I used to believe that my life was like a sit-com. Ok, there wasn't canned laughter and all my houses have had four walls rather than a stage audience staring in from one side, but there was a reason for my suspicion. It used to seem that I had 'themed' weeks. Like a sit-com where the episode would be about 'trust' or 'being grateful for what you have', I'd have weeks where the universe seemed to be sending me a message, where there was a recurrent theme.
The underlying message about this last week has been about conflict. Not as in battle grounds and bombs but about being conflicted about what I want from life and how to get there. What is the right and best way to live my life? What is most important to me?
The problem is with these big life questions is that they impact on every decision in my daily life (very joined up thinking).
Here's an example over something I'm conflicted about. I think I want a life where doing things is more important than having things. I want to do some more travel, experience more things, live a full life. Spread my wings, have my heart stirred by amazing scenary and feel that I have visited some of this fantastic world that we only have one chance to live in.
But, but....but... I also like owning things and having pretty bags and shopping and all that other owning stuff, well, stuff.... so can I do both? Not on our current income no. So what is the answer?
And, here's another one. Very much related to the one above. It's about having a house that needs work doing. And having a house that although it is 3 bedrooms and has a relatively large garden, is still much smaller than some of our friends. So do we save, do it up and then buy another that we pay another huge mortgage for? Or do we do it up as we need to and want to, and then enjoy it for being what it is: a comfy compact home that is a base for our family and not a status item?
When I die will I regret more that I didn't have 3 reception rooms, or that I didn't see the sun setting on the pyamids?
Writing that down made the answer clear for me, but the problem is remembering that when I drive past the detached 6 bedroom country piles around our village and go green with envy.
The hardest decision at all is what do we do about our family itself. We have a darling daughter and maybe want more. Or not. It's the hardest decision (although of course with this particular issue sometimes the decision is out of your hands anyway).
Can we live the life we want with more than one child? But will our family feel complete with just one child? Answers on the back of an envelope please but this is one thing that I don't have the answer for, and worse of all I'm not sure how to find the answer for either.
Are you conflicted about anything in your life? How do we resolve these issues?
Oh honey, posts like these remind me why I love your blog! It could almost have been the same post, slightly different subject, and the message would have been the same!
ReplyDeleteI feel so conflicted over soooo much stuff - take dating for example. Part of me wants to be in a relationship, because I'm a diehard romantic, and I feel like I cant get to my old age and not have had some great romances/relationships under my belt. However, I like not having anyone else to consider or make decisions for, and being able to do what I please....which I've heard has to go slightly by the wayside if you're with someone, at the very least you need to think of them, and I'm not quite sure I could!
I'm also conflicted about career....part of me feels like I should reside myself to having the job I've got, because I'm actually quite good at it, and I like the place where I am and the people that I work with. But then there's another part of me that thinks that isnt there more to just getting by, and shouldnt I be aiming to do what I love?
I think conflict is natural, that we'll always have that battle of what we think we should do, and what our inner desires are....if someone can figure out how to resolve this, then I'd be falling at their feet!!