Attraction

Atchka at Fierce Freethinking Fatties has written an intensely personal post about his experience as a Fat Admirer (FA) and was seeking other's experiences of FAs.

Funnily enough I was thinking the other day about my one and only (known) interaction with a FA. It was an encounter that at the time made me very uncomfortable and annoyed. Poor lad.

I say that this is my only known encounter with a FA because I don't really think the other men that have come and gone through my life could be counted in this category. Sure, I'm fat (and while my weight have changed over the years, at my smallest I have been a size 16-18 and that is still FAT) and they were attracted to me (for varying amount of time) but I don't think that their partner of choice would neccessarily be fat. In short I think my fatness wasn't what appealed to them above all my other glorious attributes and I don't think that they only went for, or dated, fat women.

So back to the FA who approached me on night when I was out on the town in a strange city. I was dancing with friends and he came and sat down next to me and started chatting me up. I wasn't interested but then I was mortified when he said something like 'ooh I prefer big women'. Now readers I must admit that at this time of my life I really was in denial about being fat. I was still quite sure that if I didn't mention it no one would notice and his comment shattered that illusion. So I was not best pleased and that is why I probably remember it to this day. And no, he didn't get lucky.

But thinking about this a couple of weeks ago I realised that while my response was a little silly (afterall I am a big woman), there was a couple big things wrong with his attempt to chat me up in that way.

Firstly, while we all have various things we are attracted to about other people, often they aren't things you should share with the other person (well not until you have been together for a while and possibly a bit drunk and even then caution is called for). Here's an example.

I have always for some very strange reason liked men who look at bit, well, I suppose, rodenty. Yup, I like a man with a wee bit of rattiness to him. A sharp nose, fine features. Twitchy tail.

I'm kidding about the tail.

Anyway, you get what I mean. I like a certain look about a man. I also have gone for men who appear to be a little higher up the Asperger's spectrum than others may like - introverts you could say. Now it is this kind of slightly weird attraction that makes the world a happy place and diversity is good. But I would never, and have never, gone up to a man and said "you look like you lack some essential social skills and know your way around a block of cheese - how about it?"

Similarly I have a friend who likes bald men as she thinks hair is a bit unnessary. Fair enough, but I bet she doesn't go up to men and say "you're losing a bit of hair, fancy a snog?'. My point is that often what we find attractive about other people isn't always things they find attractive about themselves or even things they are comfortable with about their appearance. And so it's often better to keep it to ourselves.

The second thing that this poor man got wrong is that by saying he liked fat women I then felt like just the closest person who fitted his shag criteria and not a gorgeous woman in my own right. No one wants to be fancied just because they happened to be in the right place at the (possibly) right time. They want to be admired for their individual charms, not their placement in some random category like big boobs or long legs (or indeed ratty facial features - drool....). Ahem. Anyway, hopefully you get my point.

So in conclusion while I have nothing against FAs PLEASE don't tell me you are one when you hit on me. And don't bother hitting on me as I am happily married to a lovely man who is neither rodenty or autistic - but there you go. Attraction is a weird creature.

What's your experience of FAs or what weird sounding thing to do find attractive in other people?