Sunday, 4 September 2011

Things I hate about being fat *

*Although this could be a list about any characteristic one might possess, like grey hair (which I have hiding under the dye) or big ears (which are hiding under the aforementioned grey dyed hair). But I am writing about the things I hate about being fat today.

So, let's start.

1. I hate that I can't fit into most Gap clothes because I like what they sell. Ok, so they could start increasing their sizes but that ain't going to happen.

2. I hate being afraid of folding furniture like camping chairs or those chairs they have in halls for seating. I'm just scared that I'll hear a bit  of a creaking noise and then I'll be bum on the floor in a squished chair mess. It's happened once before.

And.... the biggy (pun intended) is....................... chub rub.

Oh yes, you read that right. Chub rub. When the chubbiness of one thigh impacts upon the chubbiness of another and causes a rubbing sensation. When wearing skirts this can be painful as friction (except in some shared occasions) is not really a good thing between two skin covered surfaces. This can be combated with leggings or long short things under skirts. There are also lotions and powders although I've not really ventured into that field. So, no problem for naked leg chub rub - sortable.

But what I really really hate is the innocent victims of chub rub (or CR as I will now refer to it - it's a clinical term).

All those jeans, trousers and shorts that have gone to the great clothing bin in the sky because of CR. The rest of the item may be fine but when the case of CR has reached to its unfortunate final conclusion you need to throw them out.

This is what happens. You are merrily wearing your jeans skipping along and then one day notice when you go to put them on that there is a little more light showing through the fabric between the upper thighs than anywhere else. This is known as the First Sign. Some other symptoms include the seam looking like the fabric is pulling apart and starting to fray. This brings back painful memories of the white linen pants that I wore walking half way across London one night. It was a short but beautiful relationship as the CR was too much for something so delicate.

The Second Sign is when from the outside it is patently evident that the fabric has taken a hard hit and is thinning. This inevitably leads to the END. When this will happen is anyone's guess but if the gods are kind will happen in the privacy of one's own home. Unfortunately I have had the experience of wondering why it was just a little more breezy down 'there' than before while out and about... luckily as the CR tends to occur high up the leg (in my case at least) I don't think anyone saw, but it was a little disconcerting!

Just think how much money I would have saved without the losses inflicted by the evils of CR? Alas I fear there is no cure (well no cure that wouldn't require the loss of cake and therefore is completely unacceptable). I tried patching a pair of jeans once. It didn't really work.

So there you have it: fat woman admits downside to being fat. I now feel unburdened and off to replace my latest victim....


  1. omg, girl I feel your pain. I can't wait for the day I won't have to wear a griddle/gurdle under my clothes for the feaar of chaffing lol


  2. Oh many pairs of favourite trousers or leggings that have worn away to nothing between my thighs....almost wish they'd make reinforced inner leg patches - like cord elbow patches on jackets....

  3. I'm sorry about the evil deeds of CR. Have you tried exercising or following a daily diet? Anyway, I was once a fat girlfriend. That's why I understand how it feels, Eclectica.

    Bettie Comerford